save me.

i wish you fly in already.


im trying to be the best, but i dont see any promises.


none has come true.

justine is tired.

im tired of giving myself to people who will never be there for me.

im tired of longing for someone i will never have.

im so tired.

questions...

Justine is wondering...

when will she fall in love?

when will she be romantically be loved?

when will she be tired of chasing multiple dreams?

lots of people passed me by.. very few stayed... to those who stayed, i love you forever.

DONT let goodbye be another issue. its not goodbye, its just "see you later". :-)

it is painful to talk to you

stop treating me like im nothing.

you broke my heart more than any other guy...

i was stupid to fall for you.

is your heart broken?

did you ever wish that to have chosen to not love?

did you ever wish you did not let go?

I do.

Especially seeing him in a not so good place and the feeling that the girl is not looking after him well.

Love him. Love him well.

I dont think i am the girl for him, but i care about him and it hurts to see him not whole.

LOVE him.

thats all im asking

Where did all of these people come from?

I am currently in Greenbelt 3 and i just took a stroll down greenbelt 4. It is where the rich Filipinos dine and socialized with their P500 cocktail drinks. Dont get me wrong, im not anti-rich nor am i uber-leftist. If they can afford it, if they want it, go ahead.

wait. thats not my point.

So i was there strolling along side the most expensive restaurants in Manila, maybe even the Philippines and I was once again moved to questioning...

Where did all of these people come from? Im pretty sure, just 10minutes ago, i saw a run-down bus with about 5 people standing up looking exhausted and irritated. They have no choice but to pay for their transportation even though they do not have seats. They cant afford to get on a cab cause they will risk their next dinner, or the dinner of their family. for sure, they cant get a car even though their life is dependent on it.

So, what are rich people doing in this country? Why cant i feel their presence? Why are there so many people who work so hard just to be broke every two weeks?

so i thought,

is it because Filipinos dont save? that money is spend on consumer goods. stuff they do need, but greed gets the best of them. people need a mobile phone, but do they need to be the top of the line? people needs clothes, do they need to be designer jeans and "in season" clothing?

But what if you do try to save but being a simple employee just dont pay the bills? Their salary is just not enough. So, i wonder, where are all the money going? taxes? the rich-owner who established the restaurant as a hobby? good job everyone.

is it because our educational system is shot? people cant get the skills they need, eventhough they graduated from HS or maybe even college? but then again, is education a measure of your talent and ability? I mean, to be honest, i learned english mostly through TV growing up. it was definitely honed in school, but i cant remember learning basic english in school. Im lucky that speaking in english was encouraged at home when i was growing up. i did not suffer as much to learn english because i wasnt laughed at when i do.

This brings me to an observation i made couple of months back.

Why cant we see overseas work as opportunities for growth than for it to be detrimental? Why cant filipino domestic helpers, go abroad learned the language and work on their resumes?

I mean, what attracts people to go abroad is not just to look for employment but to look for an employment where they will be compensated. A regular DH abroad earns only as much as a regular working employee here. Maybe even more if he or she can take the night shift. learn english, take a job at a call center. Invest in yourself.

So.. why am i poor?

couple of things...

I am not a trust fund baby. I dont have a bank account. I barely had an allowance that covered my expenses. I cannot afford to bum for a month and be happy about it.

I never had a job, yet, im living a high life. Blame it on my books. lol.

Unlike my other friends... My dad did not teach me to play "stocks".

the dating world

so many signals.
we try to make it clear.
it difficult as we are also not clear.

people treat you bad.
treat you without respect
longs for your body and nothing else

you try to care
to give respect
to earn respect...
but the game goes on.

it goes on so badly..
your eyes well up
I just want to love.

how can i let go
when the mere memory of you
reminds me of what love is like
what love should be
how dating should be.

wink is just a wink.
playing is just playing
but love is never just love

i cant quite put my feelings into words
its like the world is slowing sucking me dry
everywhere i go.. people are treating each other badly

everything is so easy.
everything is temporary.

i dont just want your body.
i dont want your money
i dont want your eyes
i just want you.

What Color Eyes do you Have?

***Brown eyes***

People with brown eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite Can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. They love to please the one they care or love for, and are the greatest kissers of all. You care deeply for family and are affectionate with a

yes i will.
and
yes i do eventhough i dont show it.

A lovely Day Out

I went to my favorite mall in the city today, after 3 months of just being at home or in school. It was certainly a lovely day.

I was surprised to see the new wing of the mall to be up. Like the rest of the mall, its interior is European influenced but this new wing has the Filipino touch. It was wonderful. The shops were also mostly shops of Filipino designers or Filipino inspired richness and class. It all felt sophisticated.

I was wearing an outfit that i absolutely adore, my gray high-waisted office skirt and striped blouse, I caught myself being nostalgic as i walked out to the mall's garden towards the main wing. I remembered that one day I shared with a special guy...

I remembered him so I called him. We laughed, we argued and we remembered. More importantly, we realized that the 6 weeks we shared together was special and made a lot of difference. Well, I realized this, he inspired it. Of course, now that we are thousands of miles apart, I really cant tell him all of these.

How talking to him made me feel like I can love again...
How laughing with him, made me miss love...
How arguing can give you happiness.

Thinking about him brings me to tears. I love him dearly. I wish him all the best in life.

To all of us who experience love and pain... isnt it the best?

We dated for 6 weeks. We talked earlier for 34 minutes. However, it was enough to make me feel.

At the same time, be reminded that, at those time span can also ruin your soul. Choose wisely. Commitment is nice but over-commitment can be deadly.

Dont be bitten by the Love Bug.

same thought, different times

i wish things turned out differently...
if only things were different...

different context.
different persons.
same thought.

Oh how i hate that line!

confused.

why did you have to leave?
why did i sacrificed my feelings?

you were one of those guys that i truly told myself... i want to spend the rest of my life with you.

you took my heart and never gave it back. and now i cant give it to someone else. im afraid to miss my chance with you again. ARENT YOU SO LUCKY?!

i feel like i will be losing a chance to be with you. but what will i be gaining?


Who is tom?

What we really need is a festival to celebrate love's many torments. Bring on Unvalentine's Day

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/feb/11/charliebrooker.relationships

How about a range of cards with bitter messages for ex-lovers - You Ruined My Life or How Can You Sleep at Night?

This week, millions of people across the country will celebrate the crippling delusion known as "love" by sending flowers, booking restaurants and placing stomach-churning small ads in newspapers. Valentine's Day - the only national occasion dedicated to mental illness - is a stressful ordeal at the best of times.

If you've just started seeing someone, the day is fraught with peril. Say your current dalliance only began less than a month ago: is sending a card a bit full-on? What if you ignore it, only to discover they've bought you a 5kg Cupid-shaped diamond in a presentation box made of compressed rose petals?

Few things are worse than receiving a heartfelt Valentine's gift from someone you're still not sure about. It's a crystallising moment: chances are you'll suddenly know, deep in your bones, that they're not the one for you. And while your gut contemplates that sad reality, your brain repeatedly screams at your face not to give the game away, and you have to gaze at them with a fake smile and a fake dewy expression, until the pressure and shame involved in maintaining the facade makes you start to hate them for pointless reasons, like the stupid way they sit, or the stupid way they breathe, or the stupid way their pupils dilate when they look at you, planning your life together.

For those in established relationships, it's a perfunctory, grinding ceremony. On February 14 restaurants nationwide play host to joyless couples begrudgingly sharing an overpriced meal in near-silence, each of them desperately trying to avoid a row because, well, it's Valentine's Day, and nothing says "I sort of love you, I think, although I can't really tell any more" quite like the ability to sustain an awkward, argument-free detente for one 24-hour period a year.

And, of course, if you're single, it's a thudding reminder of your increasingly desperate isolation. You're stranded somewhere out on Thunderbird Five, picking up chuckles and kissy-sounds from the planet below, separated from the action by the cold gulf of space. It's especially sharp if you've just been dumped and are feeling pretty raw about it, thanks. Under those circumstances, it's a cruel joke: you're like a one-legged man on National Riverdance Day.

What's required is something to redress the balance: an Unvalentine's Day, if you will. A day that actively celebrates love's festering undercarriage. February 15 is ideal: there will be plenty of willing participants by then. Of course, if Unvalentine's Day is going to succeed, it will require commercial backing - which shouldn't be a problem, because there are loads of money-spinning opportunities here.

First off, how about a range of Unvalentine cards containing bitter messages for ex-lovers? Typical example: a mournful cartoon bunny with a harpoon lodged in its chest cavity, staggering blank-faced into oncoming traffic, with YOU RUINED MY LIFE printed across the top in massive, scab-red lettering. Or perhaps a Photoshopped image of Hitler snoozing in bed, accompanied by the words HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? Naturally, each card would have a little poem on the inside, something such as: Roses are red/Violets are blue/I'm a meaningless robot/Molested by you.

There would also be a range aimed at disillusioned long-term couples: epithets include I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS, IT ISN'T REALLY WORKING, and our-bestseller, the starkly effective DYING INSIDE.

The aforementioned restaurants can get in on the act too, by hosting Unvalentine meals specially designed for couples on the verge of a break-up. There'd be no red wine, so you can chuck drinks over each other without ruining your clothes, and all the food would be incredibly spicy, so when you tell your partner of seven years that you're seeing someone else, and tears start pouring down both your faces, anyone nosey enough to look on will simply think you're reacting to the chillies. The toilets would be manned by male and female prostitutes, so you can indulge in some cathartic, self-hating rebound sex within five minutes of getting the old heave-ho.

Cheating on your partner, incidentally, is actively encouraged on Unvalentine's Day. Consider it a 24-hour carte blanche to shag whoever you please. Developing an obsession with someone in the office? Get it out of your system on February 15! Let's face it, it's probably good for both of you in the long run.

As well as celebrating the death of existing loves, Unvalentine's Day can also accommodate all the loves that never were: the thwarted crushes, unrequited yearnings, and hopeless unspoken dreams. So if there's a friend you're desperately holding a candle for, even though they've pointed out time and time again that it's never going to happen, this is your "me-time": you're permitted to call them up and howl down the phone for half an hour, or stand pleading outside their window like a sap. And for one day only, it's illegal for anyone to pity you.

In summary, Unvalentine's Day promises to be the most coldly practical celebratory festival in history - a far healthier affair than Valentine's Day itself. True love is so uncontrollably delightful, there's no need to set aside a mere day in its honour. As for love's torments - well, it's probably best to compress and release them in a single, orderly burst, once a year. And that day is February 15. Mark it in your diary. Next to the tearstains.

This week Charlie bought a new computer and spent what seemed like 5,000 hours clicking dialog boxes in Windows Vista: "Which feels more like a satirical cartoon about infuriating bureaucracy than an operating system."

2 Weeks Left

*procrastination still looms over me. im trying not to BUT certain things keep on stopping me from finishing or following my schedule.. like i dont know... sleep?!?

*the EX factor. Annoying. no longer annoyingly sweet! YES. i still remember the good old times. i wish things ended up differently... but you left, i got hurt, bad. i didnt realize i would have these strong feelings for someone i met just recently... PLEASE. stop with the sweet messages... im trying to move on. Woo me when you come back. If you come back. and only if you will STAY. i cant go through another heartbreak... please... for my sake. yes, i still remember.

*THAT diploma. gotta earn it they say... OH crap! gotta ask myself... how much do i want it now?!!?

... still procrastinating....

Meaning of My Name... haha.. very nice... comment please!

What Justine Ann Marie Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. *thats why Im so emotional and undecided most of the time! Advices, to those who are foolish enough to believe me?!?* You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. *yes, i feel blessed all the time despite my circumstances.* You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. *Crush the weak?!* You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. *LIBOG?* You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. *I hear Commitment Problems!!!* You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. *ungrounded consciousness!!! too much dreaming?!?* You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. *this is going to be my argument for being a sponge!* You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. *Really Now!??* You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Motivating Men

i havent gone out in a date for awhile now. Its my choice but mostly because i havent had time. A friend once mentioned when we were chatting up why we have not dated in a while, he said... that there is no girl out there that's "motivating me"... so i thought... as someone single and looking, what will motivate men... and more importantly what motivates me to look.

to the first question... since im not a dude, i will throw it out there...

is it how we look that will motivate you?
the smile in our face?
or is it the sadness, or the loneliness?
is it because we smell good?
or is it because you are looking for that one person?


to girls...

is it how they look?
is it cause the are smart and cute?
or is it because you are trying to get over someone else?
is it then because, you need someone?
or is because you want someone who you want to share a lot of time with?


what motivates me?

at first it was to look for that one special guy... then i found the pleasure of dating and the excitement of the game... till that one special night that he swept me off my feet, respected me and taught me a little about commitment. Then, we both realized that it's not meant to be.

i cried. i tried to move on.

im trying to show others how much respect he showed me. to no longer play and goof around but to show real care. but as i got into it... i fell into playing... i am always real. what i say is true... but at one point all i can think about is him. that i miss him. that i want to love him.

i dont know if he loves me nor if there is another time and place where we can Be.

Maybe its not him, maybe its someone.

to love and respect someone as much as i could and for him to want to do the same for me.

as i said before, love bug kills. loneliness kills. how do we get out? i think is that think of what will motivate you to live another day, to go out and to try to love again...

why are we doing all of these?

the process...

so.. i have to finish my resume, do a one page paper that ive done so many times before and read for my philosophy written long exam... how wonderfully boring...

*but i have to*

maybe, ill just do my resume first... that will inspire me to go to the next one....

*hmm, im a bit hungry... dinner first*

ok... now what? paper.. right.. lets get it over with.... where are my notes, oh right, in my planner..
so politically oriented movies... politics + movies.. sounds like my kind of thing... hmm... i can do it....

*maybe i should check our website and upload photos.... that should inspire me*

hmm.... a stalker! this guy has been messaging and adding me recently.. Who the heck is he?!
where is my YM found?! omygoodness.. too much net?

*oh wait a good friend is online... maybe ill chat with him for a bit, talk to him about the stalker from Saudi*

oh shit its 10pm. i have an 830am class tomorrow...




...to be continued.

2008 New Years Resolution

i just scanned through my blog... i realized even though i wasn't able to blog as much as i wanted last year, i wrote many good, socially and personally relevant entries... i think thats one important point in blogging anyway... ;)

Resolution, meaning there is something that needs to be fixed or resolved. doi.

1. Blog more, at least 2 a month. Not just about quantity but quality, im sure i can think of something to good to say. the problem is, i write on a whim. only when i feel like it. I think that shouldn't be. Sometimes a writer just have to write even when the zest is not there.

2. Save More, to have a least P30,000 in my personal bank account by the end of the year. Not much, but its reachable. Thats about P6000 a month. I think thats possible. depending of course when i start working and what my starting salary is. But a goal still has to set.

3. Travel. doesnt quite coincide with my 2nd new years resolution... hehe. But i dont have to travel far. I could just channel weekly saturday night out to once a month weekend getaway to the provinces.... right?

Game.

Hopefully, by the end of this year, i would blog about my successes. haha.

Are you Happy?

Satisfaction with Life Scale
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200704/tows_past_20070411_b.jhtml



Your total score: 22

If you scored 15 or under, you are dissatisfied with your life. If you scored 31 or higher, you are extremely satisfied with your life.

If you scored somewhere in the middle, happiness expert Dr. Robert Holden has some advice on how to live a more satisfying life. Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life or looking to improve your score, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others.

"It's never too late to be happy," he says.


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Emotions like happiness is a choice we make. Not that we create them but we manage them. People will make us angry, comedians will make us laugh, death will still make us sad.

the thing is, We should learn to manage them.

cheers!

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional IQ Test
http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=1121

Our Emotional Intelligence Test consists of two parts; a self-report portion and an ability portion. The test assesses your capacity to recognize your own emotions and those of others; understand how best to motivate yourself; become close to others; and manage your own feelings and those of others. Emotional intelligence contributes a great deal to your potential in life. A poor emotional intelligence can hold a brilliant individual back from achieving his or her goals, while a good EIQ can help someone who might otherwise struggle achieve success in life.

Snapshot Report
Self-report Component
Subscale IQ score = 110
Subscale percentile = 77


According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is average. People who score like you do feel that their ability to understand and deal with their own emotions and those of others is acceptable but could still use some improvement. Emotionally intelligent people have an easy time overcoming difficulties in their lives and they are generally able to control their moods. It’s easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice. Perhaps by working on your problem areas, you can become more confident in dealing with your own emotions and those of others.


-----------------------


**The analysis is quite general but it affirms how i feel... i was just doing my report for my theology classes and it was about Emotional Intelligence which moved me to blog about it...

Daniel Goleman suggests in his book "Emotional Intelligence, Why is it more important than IQ?" a person needs to follow 5 guidelines to improve one's emotional intelligence. These are:

1. know one's emotions as they occur
2. manage one's emotions appropriately
3. Impulse and motivation - persistent and delayed gratification
4. Being Sensitive to others feelings
5. making and managing one's relationships

I think the description of my EQ test expounds on these guidelines more. Moreover, it is important to know that emotions can be managed and controlled.

To all women out there! snap out of it. ;) remember, your emotions does not only affect how you deal with others but how you feel about yourself and it even affects your health.

feeling down lately?! exercise. eat healthy. laugh!