is your heart broken?

did you ever wish that to have chosen to not love?

did you ever wish you did not let go?

I do.

Especially seeing him in a not so good place and the feeling that the girl is not looking after him well.

Love him. Love him well.

I dont think i am the girl for him, but i care about him and it hurts to see him not whole.

LOVE him.

thats all im asking

Where did all of these people come from?

I am currently in Greenbelt 3 and i just took a stroll down greenbelt 4. It is where the rich Filipinos dine and socialized with their P500 cocktail drinks. Dont get me wrong, im not anti-rich nor am i uber-leftist. If they can afford it, if they want it, go ahead.

wait. thats not my point.

So i was there strolling along side the most expensive restaurants in Manila, maybe even the Philippines and I was once again moved to questioning...

Where did all of these people come from? Im pretty sure, just 10minutes ago, i saw a run-down bus with about 5 people standing up looking exhausted and irritated. They have no choice but to pay for their transportation even though they do not have seats. They cant afford to get on a cab cause they will risk their next dinner, or the dinner of their family. for sure, they cant get a car even though their life is dependent on it.

So, what are rich people doing in this country? Why cant i feel their presence? Why are there so many people who work so hard just to be broke every two weeks?

so i thought,

is it because Filipinos dont save? that money is spend on consumer goods. stuff they do need, but greed gets the best of them. people need a mobile phone, but do they need to be the top of the line? people needs clothes, do they need to be designer jeans and "in season" clothing?

But what if you do try to save but being a simple employee just dont pay the bills? Their salary is just not enough. So, i wonder, where are all the money going? taxes? the rich-owner who established the restaurant as a hobby? good job everyone.

is it because our educational system is shot? people cant get the skills they need, eventhough they graduated from HS or maybe even college? but then again, is education a measure of your talent and ability? I mean, to be honest, i learned english mostly through TV growing up. it was definitely honed in school, but i cant remember learning basic english in school. Im lucky that speaking in english was encouraged at home when i was growing up. i did not suffer as much to learn english because i wasnt laughed at when i do.

This brings me to an observation i made couple of months back.

Why cant we see overseas work as opportunities for growth than for it to be detrimental? Why cant filipino domestic helpers, go abroad learned the language and work on their resumes?

I mean, what attracts people to go abroad is not just to look for employment but to look for an employment where they will be compensated. A regular DH abroad earns only as much as a regular working employee here. Maybe even more if he or she can take the night shift. learn english, take a job at a call center. Invest in yourself.

So.. why am i poor?

couple of things...

I am not a trust fund baby. I dont have a bank account. I barely had an allowance that covered my expenses. I cannot afford to bum for a month and be happy about it.

I never had a job, yet, im living a high life. Blame it on my books. lol.

Unlike my other friends... My dad did not teach me to play "stocks".

the dating world

so many signals.
we try to make it clear.
it difficult as we are also not clear.

people treat you bad.
treat you without respect
longs for your body and nothing else

you try to care
to give respect
to earn respect...
but the game goes on.

it goes on so badly..
your eyes well up
I just want to love.

how can i let go
when the mere memory of you
reminds me of what love is like
what love should be
how dating should be.

wink is just a wink.
playing is just playing
but love is never just love

i cant quite put my feelings into words
its like the world is slowing sucking me dry
everywhere i go.. people are treating each other badly

everything is so easy.
everything is temporary.

i dont just want your body.
i dont want your money
i dont want your eyes
i just want you.

What Color Eyes do you Have?

***Brown eyes***

People with brown eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite Can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. They love to please the one they care or love for, and are the greatest kissers of all. You care deeply for family and are affectionate with a

yes i will.
and
yes i do eventhough i dont show it.

A lovely Day Out

I went to my favorite mall in the city today, after 3 months of just being at home or in school. It was certainly a lovely day.

I was surprised to see the new wing of the mall to be up. Like the rest of the mall, its interior is European influenced but this new wing has the Filipino touch. It was wonderful. The shops were also mostly shops of Filipino designers or Filipino inspired richness and class. It all felt sophisticated.

I was wearing an outfit that i absolutely adore, my gray high-waisted office skirt and striped blouse, I caught myself being nostalgic as i walked out to the mall's garden towards the main wing. I remembered that one day I shared with a special guy...

I remembered him so I called him. We laughed, we argued and we remembered. More importantly, we realized that the 6 weeks we shared together was special and made a lot of difference. Well, I realized this, he inspired it. Of course, now that we are thousands of miles apart, I really cant tell him all of these.

How talking to him made me feel like I can love again...
How laughing with him, made me miss love...
How arguing can give you happiness.

Thinking about him brings me to tears. I love him dearly. I wish him all the best in life.

To all of us who experience love and pain... isnt it the best?

We dated for 6 weeks. We talked earlier for 34 minutes. However, it was enough to make me feel.

At the same time, be reminded that, at those time span can also ruin your soul. Choose wisely. Commitment is nice but over-commitment can be deadly.

Dont be bitten by the Love Bug.

same thought, different times

i wish things turned out differently...
if only things were different...

different context.
different persons.
same thought.

Oh how i hate that line!