belgian waffles...

it is amazing how thoughts on relationship, love and loneliness can bring two people together from different sides of the planet. I dont usually meet men who likes to talk unless they are lonely and fishing for complements.

...or maybe he is just a mythical being who is really romantic. then again, it is so easy to be with someone who just had his heart broken, you just need to be everything his girlfriend was not (bitch!).

Loneliness

loneliness looms over you like an addiction
you try hard to get over it but emotions can run wild
emotions that controls you
you look around and see people
people you dont understand, people you dont want to talk to you
yet they see you, talk to you

loneliness eats you up until you are none

Things I Want to Do this Semestral Break

1. Go to tagaytay, alone. Eat Breakfast at McDonalds, have morning tea at Starbucks, Read a Book and Take Pictures. - Cost P700 (how much will the taxi cost? and can i take a taxi to and from tagaytay?)
2. Finish 3 Books
3. Write a Short Story
4. Live Alone, maybe rent a room for a night. Cost (P1500)
5. learn to drive a stick shift


...
so far that is it. hahaha... oh! wait, i only have four (4) weeks to do this and work on my thesis. KAYA! time management. :)

Why Women Go Needy?

could it be because...

1. At the end of the day, they just want to be taken care of no matter how strong they portray themselves to be. I think this goes the same for men but women, express this need more. Also, i think because women is relational and social beings, they need and want presence (not pertaining or limited to physical presence).

2. Women has a lot to be insecure about. OK fine. So does Men. Insecurities spells out the need for more compliments and assurance from people she is trying to get attention from.

3. She is looking for more. More than what the other person can give or want to give. Satisfaction is never an easy thing to establish. Striking a balance between reality and dreams has to be achieved. There are few moments in life where the two intersect. So, keep trying because those moments are worth it.

...
of course, these are based on personal experiences... haha. :D

personal lessons on dating...

*if you want maturity, the older the better*
not true. Older men can still have emotional scars that they choose not to recognize. Psych will tell you that they will most likely regress to an earlier and more comfortable stage and hence will act a lot less mature.

im not sure its maturity im describing. lets just say, they will act like a jackass. they might just talk to you about the good old days, their sexual escapades (not that it will all be true) or say that they are better than younger men.

*men and boys likes to play and hunt*
true. it is not good for us to not give hints or not to flirt a little. BUT you gotta make them WANT you. as in crave. DONT lose your power over them, they like it. this does not mean that you should control them because holding back is NOT EASY. BUT best thing i learned is to keep them HUNTING.

*controlling sexual urges is easy*
NOT TRUE. it depends on your "voltage", how much do you want it. some women dont want it as much as others or can control it more than others. Controlling urges is a full time job, it can consume you especially at the beginning of your "exploration".

just wanted to share

...after 3 semesters what have i learned?

i have one answer.

What it means to question.

Not to question every idea or practices and assume that they are all wrong but to see what is right about them. No matter how much i tell myself that i am an explorer, a traveler, i never went out of my comfort zone. My dream of being a development worker or to be a politician or lawyer were dreams i had since i was a little girl. I am starting to question all of them but it doesnt mean they are all wrong for me. I had trouble writing the last journal precisely because i went through life following rules and doing what people tells me i should do. I am a people pleaser. never question, just follow. i get a kick from doing so but i never really experience.

Kavanaugh (?), Heidegger, Berdyaev and Abe seems more colorful for me now. Dwelling with reality doesnt mean letting things happen. Being is not about Bohemia. Letting things happen means not letting them fall to where they are. Not to recover life but to reinvent it. to try new things and again, to question life itself.

so, if everything you taught us was a fake. i think ill be all right.

---

one more thought,

Last sem (2nd sem, 06-07) we were talking about politics and the last question haunts me. i forgot exactly what it was as you sir probably do remember. i think it was: What makes politicians have the will to decide for everyone?

i answered then i dont know. (got confused actually) but i think i know now. They can decide for everyone because they know they don't know everything and can possibly know everything and hence makes room for amendments. Also, that at the end of the day nobody can really know about tomorrow. There job is not to stop evil but to mitigate it. Rules after all cannot stop evil, it comes after it (berdyaev) or sin. Some people choose to teach ethics, some people try to make social change happen. At the end of the day, we are all just trying and inventing life. We all are egoself trying to find our trueself. power has many levels. Brings into question, do we have the right to make change? can i answer, if we are all fully human (th131. hahaha)


*am i closer to an "A"?, im not looking for a higher grade or consideration, im just sharing.*