confused.

why did you have to leave?
why did i sacrificed my feelings?

you were one of those guys that i truly told myself... i want to spend the rest of my life with you.

you took my heart and never gave it back. and now i cant give it to someone else. im afraid to miss my chance with you again. ARENT YOU SO LUCKY?!

i feel like i will be losing a chance to be with you. but what will i be gaining?


Who is tom?

What we really need is a festival to celebrate love's many torments. Bring on Unvalentine's Day

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/feb/11/charliebrooker.relationships

How about a range of cards with bitter messages for ex-lovers - You Ruined My Life or How Can You Sleep at Night?

This week, millions of people across the country will celebrate the crippling delusion known as "love" by sending flowers, booking restaurants and placing stomach-churning small ads in newspapers. Valentine's Day - the only national occasion dedicated to mental illness - is a stressful ordeal at the best of times.

If you've just started seeing someone, the day is fraught with peril. Say your current dalliance only began less than a month ago: is sending a card a bit full-on? What if you ignore it, only to discover they've bought you a 5kg Cupid-shaped diamond in a presentation box made of compressed rose petals?

Few things are worse than receiving a heartfelt Valentine's gift from someone you're still not sure about. It's a crystallising moment: chances are you'll suddenly know, deep in your bones, that they're not the one for you. And while your gut contemplates that sad reality, your brain repeatedly screams at your face not to give the game away, and you have to gaze at them with a fake smile and a fake dewy expression, until the pressure and shame involved in maintaining the facade makes you start to hate them for pointless reasons, like the stupid way they sit, or the stupid way they breathe, or the stupid way their pupils dilate when they look at you, planning your life together.

For those in established relationships, it's a perfunctory, grinding ceremony. On February 14 restaurants nationwide play host to joyless couples begrudgingly sharing an overpriced meal in near-silence, each of them desperately trying to avoid a row because, well, it's Valentine's Day, and nothing says "I sort of love you, I think, although I can't really tell any more" quite like the ability to sustain an awkward, argument-free detente for one 24-hour period a year.

And, of course, if you're single, it's a thudding reminder of your increasingly desperate isolation. You're stranded somewhere out on Thunderbird Five, picking up chuckles and kissy-sounds from the planet below, separated from the action by the cold gulf of space. It's especially sharp if you've just been dumped and are feeling pretty raw about it, thanks. Under those circumstances, it's a cruel joke: you're like a one-legged man on National Riverdance Day.

What's required is something to redress the balance: an Unvalentine's Day, if you will. A day that actively celebrates love's festering undercarriage. February 15 is ideal: there will be plenty of willing participants by then. Of course, if Unvalentine's Day is going to succeed, it will require commercial backing - which shouldn't be a problem, because there are loads of money-spinning opportunities here.

First off, how about a range of Unvalentine cards containing bitter messages for ex-lovers? Typical example: a mournful cartoon bunny with a harpoon lodged in its chest cavity, staggering blank-faced into oncoming traffic, with YOU RUINED MY LIFE printed across the top in massive, scab-red lettering. Or perhaps a Photoshopped image of Hitler snoozing in bed, accompanied by the words HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? Naturally, each card would have a little poem on the inside, something such as: Roses are red/Violets are blue/I'm a meaningless robot/Molested by you.

There would also be a range aimed at disillusioned long-term couples: epithets include I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS, IT ISN'T REALLY WORKING, and our-bestseller, the starkly effective DYING INSIDE.

The aforementioned restaurants can get in on the act too, by hosting Unvalentine meals specially designed for couples on the verge of a break-up. There'd be no red wine, so you can chuck drinks over each other without ruining your clothes, and all the food would be incredibly spicy, so when you tell your partner of seven years that you're seeing someone else, and tears start pouring down both your faces, anyone nosey enough to look on will simply think you're reacting to the chillies. The toilets would be manned by male and female prostitutes, so you can indulge in some cathartic, self-hating rebound sex within five minutes of getting the old heave-ho.

Cheating on your partner, incidentally, is actively encouraged on Unvalentine's Day. Consider it a 24-hour carte blanche to shag whoever you please. Developing an obsession with someone in the office? Get it out of your system on February 15! Let's face it, it's probably good for both of you in the long run.

As well as celebrating the death of existing loves, Unvalentine's Day can also accommodate all the loves that never were: the thwarted crushes, unrequited yearnings, and hopeless unspoken dreams. So if there's a friend you're desperately holding a candle for, even though they've pointed out time and time again that it's never going to happen, this is your "me-time": you're permitted to call them up and howl down the phone for half an hour, or stand pleading outside their window like a sap. And for one day only, it's illegal for anyone to pity you.

In summary, Unvalentine's Day promises to be the most coldly practical celebratory festival in history - a far healthier affair than Valentine's Day itself. True love is so uncontrollably delightful, there's no need to set aside a mere day in its honour. As for love's torments - well, it's probably best to compress and release them in a single, orderly burst, once a year. And that day is February 15. Mark it in your diary. Next to the tearstains.

This week Charlie bought a new computer and spent what seemed like 5,000 hours clicking dialog boxes in Windows Vista: "Which feels more like a satirical cartoon about infuriating bureaucracy than an operating system."

2 Weeks Left

*procrastination still looms over me. im trying not to BUT certain things keep on stopping me from finishing or following my schedule.. like i dont know... sleep?!?

*the EX factor. Annoying. no longer annoyingly sweet! YES. i still remember the good old times. i wish things ended up differently... but you left, i got hurt, bad. i didnt realize i would have these strong feelings for someone i met just recently... PLEASE. stop with the sweet messages... im trying to move on. Woo me when you come back. If you come back. and only if you will STAY. i cant go through another heartbreak... please... for my sake. yes, i still remember.

*THAT diploma. gotta earn it they say... OH crap! gotta ask myself... how much do i want it now?!!?

... still procrastinating....

Meaning of My Name... haha.. very nice... comment please!

What Justine Ann Marie Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. *thats why Im so emotional and undecided most of the time! Advices, to those who are foolish enough to believe me?!?* You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. *yes, i feel blessed all the time despite my circumstances.* You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. *Crush the weak?!* You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. *LIBOG?* You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. *I hear Commitment Problems!!!* You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. *ungrounded consciousness!!! too much dreaming?!?* You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. *this is going to be my argument for being a sponge!* You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. *Really Now!??* You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Motivating Men

i havent gone out in a date for awhile now. Its my choice but mostly because i havent had time. A friend once mentioned when we were chatting up why we have not dated in a while, he said... that there is no girl out there that's "motivating me"... so i thought... as someone single and looking, what will motivate men... and more importantly what motivates me to look.

to the first question... since im not a dude, i will throw it out there...

is it how we look that will motivate you?
the smile in our face?
or is it the sadness, or the loneliness?
is it because we smell good?
or is it because you are looking for that one person?


to girls...

is it how they look?
is it cause the are smart and cute?
or is it because you are trying to get over someone else?
is it then because, you need someone?
or is because you want someone who you want to share a lot of time with?


what motivates me?

at first it was to look for that one special guy... then i found the pleasure of dating and the excitement of the game... till that one special night that he swept me off my feet, respected me and taught me a little about commitment. Then, we both realized that it's not meant to be.

i cried. i tried to move on.

im trying to show others how much respect he showed me. to no longer play and goof around but to show real care. but as i got into it... i fell into playing... i am always real. what i say is true... but at one point all i can think about is him. that i miss him. that i want to love him.

i dont know if he loves me nor if there is another time and place where we can Be.

Maybe its not him, maybe its someone.

to love and respect someone as much as i could and for him to want to do the same for me.

as i said before, love bug kills. loneliness kills. how do we get out? i think is that think of what will motivate you to live another day, to go out and to try to love again...

why are we doing all of these?