table with the "A" boys

kamusta naman to!
Our department chair invited me and some other DS people to a dinner with the parent of an "A" boy who passed ateneo, will be taking Development Studies and is part of the top 2% who took the Ateneo College Entrance Test.

Kamusta tlga!

The amusing thing is, that's not the highlight of the night. The highlight of my night is when i realized, I'm eating dinner amongst people who actually achieve academically! Graduating from a small and relax school, getting into ateneo, graduating is the dream. to be more, is a luxury and not a must. It is never really planned. Moreover, not part of the culture.

However, there i was thrown amongst the many. I was eating dinner with someone who graduated with a QPI of 3.91, valedictorian, someone graduating cum laude, a theorist, another candidate for valedictorian and sanggu vice-president, an someone who graduated with a double degree and 2 other minor. So there was I, someone barely passing, is not sure if she is graduating on time. BUTI NA LANG, I WAS FEELING PRETTY THAT DAY.

I was happy that my self-esteem was pretty good today and yesterday... but i did get something out of it, i was actually inspired. I wanted to be more again. I can do it, i think... still, living in the world! its not going to happen because i said so...

Concerning Technology

for my Philo 102, we are currently discussing, concerns of mankind (or Heidegger) regarding technology. I am so glad that Heidegger worked in a time where computers, blogs and modern day printers does not exist. Then, he is not able to flood us with his heideggerisms. He has a serious writing problem with a weird sense of logic (or maybe its just the translation). anyway, he is a pain to read.

moving on...

Every single day (or just maybe during class time), i am bombarded how man as being challenge the standing reserve and wills to risk. Man as being risks even more than life itself. The reality of which is very apparent. we see, if only we take heed, the lengths man takes to make himself comfortable. we have take it upon itself to look at God's creation, admire it and strip it piece by piece in front of him. Worst, by taking the piece we not only destroy his work but also damage the very thing he loves the most, man.

The demand for technology did not only resulted to man's ego centric behavior in relation to nature, but it compelled us to look at each other and see the standing reserve. No longer the person, but a thing, a resource.

if only we take heed. Heidegger says.

I take heed every single time. in trying to be a development studies major, i take heed all the time for looking at persons as resource causes or caused underdevelopment. I learn about how we are exploited, to exploit in a "developing way" and to use all of this to our advantage. on the hind sight, i also learn to use all of my learning to MY advantage. Why? cause studying Development is painful. Not physically but emotionally. damn, my women hormones.

the funny things is, Philo being a required subject, we the students, are thrown into the abyss and into desolate time. a time where learning is secondary to earning grades and become "educated". how do teachers see us?

as statistics.

as letter grades.

as people who they fill with water, like a bucket in a finite well.

My teacher, though he is one of the best teachers i have ever had, unconsciously (or maybe consciously, i don't know) tell us how he looks at as and makes us feel like a standing reserve. He's "list" of class standing amuses him as students move up and down the ladder. So he says. How the middle ten is the "average an**n students" like we need to be reminded of how to perform and how many is in front of us in the "line". Line, that we don't even know if necessary or where it leads to. Crap.

He then insults the entirety of my Being, by stressing the importance of grades as not the measure of personhood. yes, sir, its not. But as of this moment, where we students will and try to risk, will always be reminded of how IMPORTANT it is to perform. for the world sees, at first hand, performance and not personhood.

Maybe it is my fault for focusing on academics and not stretching more. Maybe that is really the reason why I'm pissed. But anyway, what is important is how as Beings, man consciously and unconsciously sees each other as standing reserve, a resource. for laughter, comfort or like this blog, for rantings.

as for "why poets"...

"many times, man risks more than life itself"

This is regarding man, focusing on one side of life. Purifying life as they say. as if suffering does not exists. i am always reminded of capitalists/feudal lords/absolute monarchy. as such, i am growing up to be a Marxist. But my POSteacher said to me, everyone in college is "some kind of a Marxist" and depending on their affiliations with Marxist organizations, we grow out of it. anyway, back on the topic. think way back. the time where is you are not born with the right kind of stars, you are nothing. and if you have the stars you only thought of yourself and nothing else. you exploit people as if they are your animals and is domesticated.

just researched about heidegger, i am always reminded of how his analysis is similar to that of a Marxist. Well anyway, he was part of the Nazi movement (by choice or by force) which explains a lot why he can write about man destrorying man. But that also gives light, that SOME germans, where a bit consoling. :)